“Learn early to get ahead” or “Play freely to develop naturally”? - These are questions that have weighed on the minds of thousands of parents- one that Esearch has heard time and again throughout our journey supporting families in school selection.
Many parents hope their children will learn to read and do math early to gain an advantage. On the other hand, many believe that if children are simply allowed to play freely, they will naturally grow into maturity. Yet both perspectives can easily fall into the same common mistake: overlooking the principle of “the right thing at the right time.”
Parenting is like building a house: if the foundation isn’t solid but you rush to add more floors, the house will struggle to withstand storms. So at each age, what is the most important “foundation” that parents should build for their children?
1. AGES 0–3: FROM ATTACHMENT TO INDEPENDENCE
This is the foundational stage, yet also the period of the most intense psychological shifts.
0–18 months (Building trust): What children need most at this time is a sense of safety. Psychologist John Bowlby (1969), through years of research, emphasized that children need an adult as a “secure base.” Only when they feel loved and protected will they have the courage to explore the world.
18–36 months (Asserting the self): According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson (1950), this is when children begin wanting to separate and do things on their own. Tantrums or the phrase “I can do it myself!” are actually positive signals, showing that autonomy is beginning to take shape.
ESEARCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
Encourage choice: Empower within limits. Instead of imposing, allow children to make decisions within a controlled range. For example: “Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?”
Accept imperfection: Be patient with “clumsiness.” Parents can use indirect support rather than doing everything for the child, following the principle: “Child tries first - parents help after.”For example: let your child feed themselves even if it’s messy, or put on shoes even if they’re on the wrong feet.
Emotional coaching: Help children recognize and name emotions rather than suppressing “negative” reactions. For example: when your child cries, hug them and ask, “Are you feeling sad/upset?” instead of yelling “Stop crying!”. This is an early lesson in emotional intelligence (EQ).
2. AGES 3–6: SELF-REGULATION AND THINKING
This is a “golden age” for developing the brain’s Executive Functions- the ability to regulate behavior and thinking, according to neuroscientist Adele Diamond (2013). At the same time, psychologist Lev Vygotsky (1978) also emphasized the essential role of purposeful play in developing abstract thinking.
ESEARCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
Play that guides thinking: Play to learn how to think. Prioritize role-play or goal-based construction activities to stimulate imagination. For example: instead of watching a phone, invite your child to play pretend (doctor, shopkeeper) or give a challenge like “Build a garage that can fit two cars.”
Stimulate critical thinking: Use open-ended questions to encourage analysis. For example: “Why did you choose this way?” “What do you think will happen if…?”
Build patience: Activities that require waiting and turn-taking are excellent for strengthening impulse control. For example: hide-and-seek, rock–paper–scissors, or simply lining up and waiting for a turn.
3. AGES 6–12: PERSEVERANCE AND A GROWTH MINDSET
As children enter primary school, they begin wanting to prove their abilities through tangible outcomes. If they don’t experience the feeling of “I worked hard and I can do it,” they may become insecure. This is a critical time for parents to plant the seeds of a Growth Mindset- a well-known concept by psychologist Carol Dweck- helping children understand that intelligence is not purely inborn, but can be developed through practice and effort.
ESEARCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
Acknowledge effort, not “smartness”: Praise effort rather than intelligence so children don’t become afraid of failure. For example: instead of “You’re so smart,” say “I can see how persistent you were in solving this problem”.
Redefine failure: Teach children that mistakes are a necessary part of learning. For example: if your child gets a low score, review the errors together and make a plan to improve rather than punishing.
Set long-term goals: Encourage children to pursue small projects that require consistency. For example: saving in a piggy bank to buy something they love, or practicing riding a bicycle over a week.
4. THE ESEARCH VIEW: CHOOSING A SCHOOL IS CHOOSING AN ENVIRONMENT THAT “NURTURES” CAPABILITIES
Once parents understand their child’s developmental pathway, school visits should go beyond checking facilities. Esearch suggests parents observe small details that reflect a school’s educational philosophy:
For Preschool (0–6): Observe “HOW CHILDREN ARE EMPOWERED”
When a child cries: Does the teacher try to stop the crying immediately, or do they patiently sit down and help the child name their emotions?
Independence: During meals and nap time, are children encouraged to do age-appropriate tasks, or do adults do everything for them?
For Primary School (6–12): Look for a “CULTURE THAT NORMALIZES MISTAKES”
Assessment approach: Does the school recognize progress (process), or is pressure focused only on end-of-term scores?
The right to be wrong: When a child makes a mistake, do teachers punish or guide the child to analyze and try again?
SEL program: Does the school offer Social and Emotional Learning lessons to equip children with “soft skills”?
These questions help parents identify which schools truly care about children’s mental wellbeing and inner strength.
CONCLUSION
At Esearch, we believe that parenting and finding the right school does not have to be a stressful race. Amid the flood of information, parents can feel more grounded with this core formula:
Ages 0–3: Build Safety & Independence
Ages 3–6: Nurture Self-Regulation & Thinking
Ages 6–12: Strengthen Perseverance & Resilience
When parents understand and respect a child’s natural developmental rhythm, they can let go of the pressure to “force-ripen” their child. A strong inner foundation is the best preparation for children to step confidently into the future.
Esearch hopes this article offers greater clarity and supports parents in making the best educational choices for their children.
*Esearch is always ready to accompany you in finding the best educational environment for the next generation.
For more details on school programs, facilities, and admissions, please visit:https://esearch.vn/en .
Note: This article is compiled by Esearch from foundational child-development research and insights distilled from our work supporting parents in selecting the right learning environment. It is for reference only. Every child develops at their own pace; parents should adjust flexibly based on their child’s unique characteristics.
References: Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss. Basic Books | Diamond, A. (2013). Executive functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64, 135–168 | Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House | Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and society. W. W. Norton & Company | Vygotsky, L. S. (1978). Mind in society. Harvard University Press | Wood, D., et al. (1976). Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 17(2), 89–100.
Source: Esearch Insight
